Listening

As I suspected ward round was a complete waste of time. Despite the assurance of the consultant that the team would give me an idea of what amount of leave would be realistic for Christmas  for me to ask for all I was told was that it was too soon! They said I was doing well and making progress but then this was not backed up by telling me it was too soon to start managing my own sitting time even just after breakfast which is all I had requested. The only thing I got was to go from level two obs (every 15 minutes) to level one (checking where you are once an hour). Now while I agree this is progress I just feel like I'm never listened to, I had a talk with one of the staff nurses regarding how I felt about level two and I said that at fist it felt like I had gone from all to nothing over night. I explained that following a chat with my named nurse people doing checks were actually asking if I was ok as opposed to just sticking head through the door and leaving was really helpful as it was giving way to an opportunity for dialogue and I found it easier to say how I was feeling and more able to talk things over rather than having to try to find a staff member, especially as on several occasions there have been none around. So all in all was finding it helpful, so they stop it!! It seriously feels like I may as well talk to the wall!!

So now were back to Thursday again and yet another weigh day where my weight is still going up despite still no diet change. I have really had enough and feel like if I don't get out of here I may actually go mad, my mood and motivation are at an all time low and nothing I say to family seems to be right and is perpetuating my feelings that I have let them down and disappointed them. All I want to do is get out of here and go back to work, I just to need to feel like I have a purpose to get out of bed and that days can have variation not like here when one meal rolls in to the next and one day in to another. There is no change its like ground hog day and quite frankly I've had enough.